Service submissives often say things like:
“You can use me for anything.”
Some even tell me I can rent them out.
Okay… but to do what?
This is something I find quite funny with service subs. There can be so much focus on wanting to be used, but not enough thought about what skills you actually have that I can use.
Being submissive isn’t a skill in itself.
If you want to be useful to me, I need to know what you can actually do.
Just Being in My Presence Doesn’t Mean You’re Serving Me
I think some subs confuse spending time with me with serving me.
Of course you want to be around me. You probably enjoy being given tasks and you want the feeling of being a good sub. You might want praise afterwards or just enjoy knowing you’ve pleased me.
But simply being in my presence doesn’t mean you’re serving me.
I actually need to be happy that you’ve helped me with something.
If my house doesn’t need cleaning, I don’t need you to come over and clean it just so you can feel like you’ve served me. That actually means I have to find something for you to do and then give you my time while you’re doing it.
I’d much rather you have other skills that I can actually use when I need them.
Can You Actually Clean?
Cleaning is probably one of the most common things service subs offer.
The problem is that saying you can clean and actually being good at cleaning are two different things.
I’ve had a few subs come to clean who weren’t very good at it.
I’ve seen people miss dust and quickly wipe things over with a cloth without really cleaning them properly. It has made me wonder how much cleaning they actually do at home.
If you’re offering cleaning as one of your useful skills, you should actually know how to clean well.
Otherwise I’m going to have to go around afterwards checking what you’ve done or doing bits again myself. That’s not particularly useful to me.
What Skills Do You Have Outside of Kink?
This is where I think service subs need to think a bit more broadly.
I’d much rather somebody came to me with three or four practical skills outside of kink than just saying they’ll do anything I tell them.
Can you drive?
Can you research things properly?
Can you write blogs?
Are you good at websites or SEO?
Can you edit videos or take good photographs?
Are you good at admin?
Can you cook?
Can you fix things?
Can you learn a language that I actually need help with so you can translate for me?
These are things I can actually use.
It also means there are different ways you can help me depending on what is happening in my life at the time.
I might not need my house cleaned, but I might have hours of research that needs doing. I might need help writing something. I might need something collected. I might be working on a project and suddenly one of your skills could save me hours.
That’s useful to me.
“You Can Rent Me Out”
This one always makes me laugh a bit.
Subs tell me:
“You can rent me out.”
Rent you out to do what?
What exactly am I renting out?
If you don’t have any practical skills, what would somebody be paying to use you for?
Just being submissive isn’t really an answer.
If you’re a photographer, driver, translator, researcher, writer, programmer, video editor, cook or you have some other useful skill, then that’s different.
Now there is actually something I can work with.
You Can Go and Learn Something
You don’t have to already know how to do everything.
If you really want to be useful and realise you don’t actually have many practical skills, go and learn some.
You can train in something.
You can get better at something you already know a little about.
You can even learn something because you know it’s a skill I need.
If I tell you something I need help with, think about what you could learn or what skills you already have that could help me with it.
That shows me far more than repeatedly asking me:
“What can I do for you?”
Listen to What I Actually Need
I don’t expect subs to magically know everything I need.
I will tell you what I need help with.
What matters to me is what you do with that information.
If I tell you I’m having a problem with something, can you think about how your skills might help?
Maybe you can’t do the whole thing yourself. You could research it. You might know somebody who can help. You might be able to learn part of it. You might already have a skill that makes the whole thing easier for me.
That’s the kind of thinking I find useful.
I’m not expecting you to predict my needs. I’m expecting you to listen when I tell you what they are and then think about the best way you can help.
Being a Good Sub Isn’t Just About Getting My Attention
I think this is where some subs get a little stuck.
They want to do something for me, but they also want the attention that comes with doing it.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting me to be pleased with you. Of course I want someone serving me to enjoy the dynamic too.
But I need to actually be pleased because you’ve helped me.
I don’t want to create jobs so you can feel useful and then give you attention for completing something I didn’t really need doing in the first place.
I’d much rather look at something you’ve done and think:
“Great. That’s actually helped me.”
That’s when I’m going to appreciate having you around.
If You Want to Be Used, Give Me Something I Can Use
So if you genuinely want to be used, think about what you are bringing with you.
Have three or four practical skills outside of kink.
You don’t have to be amazing at everything, but get genuinely good at a few things.
And if you don’t currently have many useful skills, that’s okay. Go and learn some.
Then when I say I need help with something, you actually have something to offer me.
Because telling me I can use you for anything sounds great.
But I’m still going to ask:
What can I actually use you for?
If you’re interested in this kind of practical service dynamic, you can read more about becoming a Service Submissive in London.