What Are BDSM Slave Rules?
BDSM slave rules are basically agreed rules between a Dominant and submissive. They can be very simple or much more structured depending on the type of relationship or session you have.
Some people like having rules because they enjoy structure and knowing exactly what is expected of them. Others only want a few rules during a session because it adds to the feeling of submission.
I don’t think you need a massive list of rules just for the sake of having them. If I give somebody a rule, I want there to actually be a reason for it.
For me, reliability, communication, being useful and actually doing what you said you would do matter much more than somebody trying very hard to act like the perfect submissive.
Why Have BDSM Slave Rules?
Rules can make a Dominant and submissive dynamic more interesting because they create expectations.
You know what I expect from you and I know what you have agreed to.
They can also be useful for things like:
- Discipline and self control
- Reliability
- Punctuality
- Communication
- Accountability
- Completing tasks properly
- Learning to follow instructions
- Being more thoughtful about your behaviour
But rules still sit inside consent and agreed boundaries. Calling yourself a slave or submissive doesn’t suddenly mean that absolutely anything goes.
Different Submissives Need Different Rules
This is something I think gets forgotten sometimes. Not every submissive actually wants the same thing.
A service submissive might enjoy being given practical responsibilities. Someone else might enjoy rules around foot worship. Another person might enjoy dressing up and being given little challenges. Someone else only wants rules while we’re actually having a session.
So rather than copying fifty slave rules off the internet, think about what you actually enjoy about submission.
20 BDSM Slave Rules for Submissives
These are examples of rules that I think can actually be useful. You don’t need to use all twenty. Take the ones that make sense for your dynamic and ignore the ones that don’t.
1. Respect Agreed Boundaries
If something has been agreed as a boundary, respect it. Submission doesn’t remove anybody’s right to have limits.
2. Be on Time
I really don’t like having my time wasted. If we have arranged to meet at a particular time, be there.
Obviously things happen sometimes. If you’re genuinely going to be late, communicate rather than disappearing and then turning up whenever you feel like it.
3. Communicate Properly
If you don’t understand an instruction, ask.
I’d rather you clarify something than pretend you understand it and then do something completely different.
4. Follow the Instructions You’ve Agreed To
If I’ve given you an agreed task, actually do it.
There isn’t much point asking me to give you rules and then ignoring them the minute I’m not standing in front of you.
5. Be Proactive
Being proactive and forward thinking is important to me.
That doesn’t mean I expect you to magically know everything I need. I can tell you what I need help with. What I don’t want to do is then think through every tiny part of how you’re going to help me.
If I’ve told you the problem, think about what you can actually do to make it easier.
6. Take Responsibility When You Get Something Wrong
People make mistakes. That isn’t automatically a problem.
What annoys me much more is somebody making a mistake and then spending twenty minutes explaining why absolutely none of it was their responsibility.
Tell me what happened and, ideally, tell me how you’re going to fix it.
7. Turn Up Clean and Presentable
This should probably go without saying, but personal hygiene matters.
If you’re meeting somebody for a private session, arrive clean and prepared.
8. Don’t Demand Constant Attention
Being submissive to somebody doesn’t mean you suddenly own all of their free time.
Respect whatever communication boundaries you have agreed.
9. Respect Privacy
Private conversations, pictures, personal information and things that happen during a session should stay private unless you’ve been told otherwise.
10. Prepare Properly
If I’ve asked you to bring something, bring it.
If you’ve been given instructions before meeting me, read them before you arrive rather than messaging me five minutes beforehand asking what you’re supposed to be doing.
11. Do Things Properly
This one is especially important to me.
If you’re given a task, don’t rush through it just so you can say you’ve finished.
I’ve had people offer to clean who weren’t actually very good at cleaning. Quickly wiping something with a cloth and leaving dust everywhere isn’t particularly helpful.
If you’re going to offer a skill, actually be good at it.
12. Know When to Ask
I like initiative, but there’s obviously a difference between taking initiative and making important decisions for somebody else without asking them.
If it involves my money, property, privacy or something important, check first.
13. Follow Whatever Etiquette You’ve Agreed
Some people enjoy titles, particular greetings and more formal Dominant and submissive etiquette.
Others don’t.
Use whatever actually works for the dynamic rather than forcing things because you think BDSM is supposed to look a certain way.
14. Be Honest About What You Can Do
Please don’t tell me you’re brilliant at something when you’re not.
If you can’t drive, don’t offer to be my driver. If you know nothing about websites, don’t tell me you can rebuild mine.
I’d rather know what you’re genuinely good at.
15. Be Consistent
It’s very easy to be enthusiastic for the first week.
I’m much more interested in what somebody is like after a month or several months.
Consistency tells me far more than big promises.
16. Listen to Feedback
If I tell you something could have been done better, listen.
You don’t need to turn every bit of feedback into a massive emotional event. Just understand what went wrong and improve it next time.
17. Be Sensible About Money
If gifts or tribute are part of your submission, agree what is realistic.
Spending money doesn’t give you ownership over somebody or guarantee access to their time.
18. Keep Your Own Life Together
I don’t want submission to mean somebody stops dealing with their work, responsibilities, finances or the rest of their life.
You still need to function outside of BDSM.
19. Look at Whether You’re Actually Improving
If you’ve been given the same feedback five times and you’re still doing exactly the same thing, something isn’t working.
Sometimes it’s worth looking at what you’re getting right, what keeps going wrong and what you need to change.
20. Remember That Submission Is Still Consensual
You can have rules, rituals, tasks and a very strong power exchange while still having boundaries.
People can communicate when something isn’t working and an arrangement can be changed or ended.
Femdom Slave Rules
Femdom slave rules are simply rules within a dynamic where a woman is taking the Dominant role.
That could mean formal obedience and etiquette, but it doesn’t have to.
I personally like a mixture. I can enjoy somebody following my instructions, but I also like submissives who can think.
I don’t want somebody asking me what to do every thirty seconds. If I’ve explained what I need, use your brain and work out how you can best help.
For me, that can be much more satisfying than creating loads of complicated rituals just so somebody can say they’re following slave rules.
Service Submissive Rules
Service submission is where rules become particularly practical for me.
I like people who can actually make themselves useful. That might mean driving, collecting something, researching something for me, helping with a website, photography, video editing, admin, cooking, organising something or using another skill you already have.
I don’t expect you to guess everything happening in my life. I’ll tell you what I need help with. I do expect you to think about the best way you can help once you know.
If this is the type of submission you’re interested in, read my Service Submissive London page.
I’ve also written about one of the biggest problems I find with people who say they want to serve me. They tell me I can use them for anything, but when I ask what they’re actually good at, they don’t have an answer.
Read: You Want to Be Used, But What Are You Actually Useful For?
Sissy Slave Rules
Sissy slave rules can be a bit different because the rules might be connected to presentation, confidence, clothing or little challenges.
You might agree that you’re going to wear something I’ve chosen, actually go into a shop instead of getting nervous and leaving, practise something you’ve been avoiding or finally go somewhere dressed.
It doesn’t all have to be incredibly strict.
My approach to this is quite relaxed. We can dress you up, go shopping, go dancing or go somewhere you’ve wanted to visit but haven’t felt confident going dressed by yourself.
If that sounds more like what you’re looking for, have a look at my Sissy Training London page.
Foot Worship Rules
Foot worship can have its own rules too.
I might tell you where I want you to sit, how I want you to approach my feet, whether I want them massaged or simply expect you to pay attention to what I’m actually enjoying.
For me, being attentive is important because I genuinely enjoy foot worship, especially a really good foot massage.
I would much rather somebody pays attention to my reactions and learns what feels good than performs what they think a foot submissive is supposed to do.
Not every foot worship session needs to be strict either. Some people genuinely love feet but aren’t particularly submissive. That’s completely fine.
If you like the idea of being given rules and instructions while worshipping my feet, tell me when you enquire about my Foot Worship London sessions.
Foot Fetish Rules and Power Exchange
Having a foot fetish doesn’t automatically mean you’re submissive.
Some people simply really like feet. Other people find that the power exchange is a big part of why they’re attracted to them.
If you’re in the second group, rules can make things more interesting.
You might enjoy being told how to behave around my feet, having certain etiquette to follow or being given little tasks connected to your fetish.
I wouldn’t automatically assume you want that though. Tell me what it is about feet that actually interests you.
You can read more about how I approach this on my Foot Fetish London page.
Daily BDSM Rules
Some people enjoy having rules outside of sessions too.
This doesn’t need to turn into a full time job for either of us.
It might be a morning check in, completing an agreed task, working towards something you’ve been avoiding or sending an update when something has been completed.
I think a few rules that somebody genuinely follows are much more useful than creating thirty daily rules that become impossible to keep up with after a week.
Rules, Accountability and Life Outside BDSM
Sometimes somebody tells me they want BDSM rules, but when we actually talk about it, what they really want is accountability.
They want somebody to know what they’ve said they’re going to do and ask them whether they actually did it.
That could involve work, routines, confidence, organisation or another personal goal.
If that’s more what you’re looking for, my Dominatrix Life Coaching London page explains that side of what I do.
BDSM Discipline and Consequences
If you’re going to have rules, it makes sense to decide what happens when they aren’t followed.
That doesn’t automatically mean physical punishment.
Sometimes the obvious consequence is simply doing the task again properly.
It might be admitting what went wrong, correcting it, completing something again or having a conversation about why the same problem keeps happening.
Any BDSM punishment or humiliation should be something you’ve actually agreed to. Identifying as submissive doesn’t mean somebody should assume you’re comfortable with every possible punishment.
Common Mistakes New Submissives Make
One of the biggest mistakes I see is people becoming so focused on looking submissive that they forget to actually be reliable.
Common problems include:
- Agreeing to things without really thinking about them
- Promising far more time than they actually have
- Wanting constant attention
- Ignoring communication boundaries
- Being extremely enthusiastic and then disappearing
- Making excuses instead of taking responsibility
- Assuming every Dominatrix wants exactly the same thing
I would much rather somebody is realistic from the beginning.
BDSM Slave Rules Frequently Asked Questions
What are BDSM slave rules?
They are agreed rules and expectations used within a consensual Dominant and submissive dynamic. They might relate to behaviour, communication, service, etiquette, tasks or what happens during a session.
What are femdom slave rules?
Femdom slave rules are rules used in a dynamic where a woman takes the Dominant role. They can involve obedience, service, etiquette, accountability or other agreed expectations.
Are BDSM slave rules the same for everyone?
No. They should actually suit the people involved. A service submissive, sissy submissive and foot submissive could all have completely different rules.
What are sissy slave rules?
They can include agreed rules around clothing, presentation, confidence, completing challenges or following the direction of a Dominant. What they involve depends on what the person actually enjoys.
Can there be rules during a foot worship session?
Yes. If you enjoy the submissive side of foot worship, a Dominant might give you instructions about etiquette, positioning, massage or how she wants her feet worshipped. But foot worship doesn’t automatically have to involve domination.
Do BDSM slave rules have to involve punishment?
No. Consequences could simply involve repeating a task, correcting a mistake or being held accountable for what you agreed to do.
Can a submissive say no to an instruction?
Yes. Submission is still consensual. Rules and power exchange don’t remove somebody’s ability to communicate a boundary or withdraw consent.
How do I become a service submissive in London?
Think about what you’re actually good at first. Practical skills, reliability and being able to follow through are much more useful to me than simply saying you’ll do anything.
You can then read my Service Submissive London page to see whether what I’m looking for suits you.
My Approach to BDSM Rules
I’m Black Dominatrix Nicole, based in London.
I like submission, but I don’t think everything needs to be incredibly serious all the time. I can be playful and chilled while still expecting somebody to listen to me and do what they’ve agreed to do.
Being proactive and forward thinking is important to me, especially with people who want an ongoing service dynamic.
At the same time, different sessions can have completely different energy. Foot worship might be relaxed and focused on pampering me. Sissy training might involve dressing up and going dancing. Service submission might involve helping me solve an actual problem.
The rules should fit what we’re doing rather than the other way around.
You can explore more of what I offer through my Black Dominatrix London website.
Final Thoughts
BDSM slave rules can be fun, useful and genuinely meaningful when they actually suit the people using them.
You don’t need a list of one hundred rules to prove you’re submissive.
I’d rather have five rules that you remember and actually follow.
Listen. Communicate. Be reliable. Pay attention. And if you say you’re going to do something, do it.